I Love You, Man

this is jz a random title for my post..=)
bt its nt like anyone is gonna b able to read my blog now..lol
ah.. tlkin to myself..=p

There is a movie titled I Love You Man though..
and its reali a lovely movie.. it was reali reali funny..
alot of f-word but enjoyable.. teehee..
wud recommend u to watch=)

righto! yesterday was reali a miserable day for me..
bt i have been miserabble for te past couple of days n months..
nt dat miserable.. bt have not reali truly had dat elated feeling..=/
im jz trying to buy some time on9 nw, im actually waiting for sum1.. lol
ironic, isnt it..-.-
I seriously cant help complainin or teasin him bout dis issue..
it sucks being in between things..
u cant move forward and u don feel like moving back through time..
esp in love..
is it perhaps just me?
i dont know, im trying to not demand so much, im trying..
i think i suceeded, i don go around bugging him 24-7, im oso not askin him to go around all places with me,expect him to buy me lunch wadsoever..
well, there are parts where its my fault too..
i get really funny when im shy, i tend to throw a fuss..-.- don ask me why..
im only human...
bt i think i reali did wad i can, i did what he wanted.. i think anyway..-.-
i guess i can say im ready for dis relationship,
it reali strikes my ego when i say dis,
it makes mee sound like i want it bad..-.- yes i do, bt i won admit it..=p

soooo.. ahuh...
it all started with a plain simple day in bangsar, fetched him to lrt after college..
was havin a drink wif him..
threw alil complains and teasing at him again, bout dis issue..
he held my hand, i liked it bt i was uncomfortable at the same time..
I pulled away..
I DO NOT LIKE THIS!
do u noe how suck-ish is dat feelin, dat ur together n yet ur nt altogether..
confusing, i noe..
bt im nt his gf, bt he says he loves me..
its confusin n hurting.. to me neways..

den went bck home, it started with normal texting..
den he told me to go study to get my mind off things..
he said i looked worried, confused, depressed, sad and nids som1 to say i love u.
he jz made me sound world most ddesperate woman
it strikes my ego HARD and it sounds reali mean comin frm a person u like.
wth! its nt like i wanted to burst into tears in class suddenly..
then he said i oso need someone to ask me something..
Is it wrong to wan2 be YOUR GF? Is it wrong to be YOUR GF when u said U loved me too. Fark.
it hit my ego lar, i dunno if its jz ego or wad, bt i feel dam hurt lor..
den i replied, yea, anyone will do,.. u think?
he replied, dunno, sometimes i feel it is so difficult to keep u by my side..
Twice ive heard dis sentence..
i burst into tears immediately..
ive waited.. and still waiting..
im jz waitin nw, waitin for u to b ready, despite u were the one who asked me to b ur gf in da 1st place, ditched me and u were the one who asked me back..
how would u feel??
i feel like some toy.. unimportant and un-needed.

dat was the last straw.. i cried n cried n cried..
n i tot.. is it reali worth it?
ive been miserable.. is it worthed?
s i told him if it was makin him so stressed n so unhappy.. lets jz stick to being frens..
den he can reply me sayin "nono, cz i noe v'l both b stressed out if v get bck together. u n I both. I reali dunno wad to do. I love u, u noe dat"
then here i m, wanna bang my head on the wall n jz bleed to death..-.-
geez... n i told him lar, bt v cant b in btw things forever, it has to be yes or no, or wan or dont, u noe dat too..
bt den, me byk lembut lembut..
after dat hav to txt sorry baby, don stress over it, take ur time..
i reali feel like commiting suicide for dat..
bt i guess..=/ dis is it lar..
seriously.. im still wating for his text..
n i reali truly hates this..

dam long lar... wee xian, pls don cry when u c dis freakin long post.. haha