Pathetic

Yeeep, its gettin pathetic..
haven update my blog in a while, i jz din wanna update..
=/ it strikes my ego to see myself being so pathetic and sad..
lol..

Happy Halloween everyone..=)
i jz came back from halloween, it wasnt that fun, reali..
lol.. i didnt reali enjoyed myself..
it started pretty late.. we had some awkward moments in btw..
Mitz was VERY late..
and v din do anything halloween related stuff until 10, and i had to leave at 11pm..
so yea.. was pretty disappointed..
din even get to cut the cake dat i bought..=(
there was plenty of cupcakes(by che che) n pizzas..
but, at least v got together.. dat makes the best of it..=)

hmm.. he was there too.. i assume v all noe who the he is.. lol
v have been erm, back together for 3 days, i guess..=/
it isnt official i guess..
i cant help but being miserable..
it was all very same.. b4 n after, no diff at all,
its like vr still in dat tense awkward position when v were in btw..=(
he din make a single move..
and like usual.. he oni came to me when he needed smtg..
its painful..
n there was dis girl, michelle, he's been texting her..
n he delets her msgs.. bt i noe he txts her..
he went out wif sum1 too, i dunno who, bt he won tell me..
its so frustrating! Im so afraid!
he went out wif me when he was still wif his ex, god knows..
i dunno.. arh...

i noe i shud learn to let go..
I REALL REALLY DO!
bt, its involuntary, im just so... pathetic..
can i say again?
im miserable...
i deserves this, i noe i do..

I Love You, Man

this is jz a random title for my post..=)
bt its nt like anyone is gonna b able to read my blog now..lol
ah.. tlkin to myself..=p

There is a movie titled I Love You Man though..
and its reali a lovely movie.. it was reali reali funny..
alot of f-word but enjoyable.. teehee..
wud recommend u to watch=)

righto! yesterday was reali a miserable day for me..
bt i have been miserabble for te past couple of days n months..
nt dat miserable.. bt have not reali truly had dat elated feeling..=/
im jz trying to buy some time on9 nw, im actually waiting for sum1.. lol
ironic, isnt it..-.-
I seriously cant help complainin or teasin him bout dis issue..
it sucks being in between things..
u cant move forward and u don feel like moving back through time..
esp in love..
is it perhaps just me?
i dont know, im trying to not demand so much, im trying..
i think i suceeded, i don go around bugging him 24-7, im oso not askin him to go around all places with me,expect him to buy me lunch wadsoever..
well, there are parts where its my fault too..
i get really funny when im shy, i tend to throw a fuss..-.- don ask me why..
im only human...
bt i think i reali did wad i can, i did what he wanted.. i think anyway..-.-
i guess i can say im ready for dis relationship,
it reali strikes my ego when i say dis,
it makes mee sound like i want it bad..-.- yes i do, bt i won admit it..=p

soooo.. ahuh...
it all started with a plain simple day in bangsar, fetched him to lrt after college..
was havin a drink wif him..
threw alil complains and teasing at him again, bout dis issue..
he held my hand, i liked it bt i was uncomfortable at the same time..
I pulled away..
I DO NOT LIKE THIS!
do u noe how suck-ish is dat feelin, dat ur together n yet ur nt altogether..
confusing, i noe..
bt im nt his gf, bt he says he loves me..
its confusin n hurting.. to me neways..

den went bck home, it started with normal texting..
den he told me to go study to get my mind off things..
he said i looked worried, confused, depressed, sad and nids som1 to say i love u.
he jz made me sound world most ddesperate woman
it strikes my ego HARD and it sounds reali mean comin frm a person u like.
wth! its nt like i wanted to burst into tears in class suddenly..
then he said i oso need someone to ask me something..
Is it wrong to wan2 be YOUR GF? Is it wrong to be YOUR GF when u said U loved me too. Fark.
it hit my ego lar, i dunno if its jz ego or wad, bt i feel dam hurt lor..
den i replied, yea, anyone will do,.. u think?
he replied, dunno, sometimes i feel it is so difficult to keep u by my side..
Twice ive heard dis sentence..
i burst into tears immediately..
ive waited.. and still waiting..
im jz waitin nw, waitin for u to b ready, despite u were the one who asked me to b ur gf in da 1st place, ditched me and u were the one who asked me back..
how would u feel??
i feel like some toy.. unimportant and un-needed.

dat was the last straw.. i cried n cried n cried..
n i tot.. is it reali worth it?
ive been miserable.. is it worthed?
s i told him if it was makin him so stressed n so unhappy.. lets jz stick to being frens..
den he can reply me sayin "nono, cz i noe v'l both b stressed out if v get bck together. u n I both. I reali dunno wad to do. I love u, u noe dat"
then here i m, wanna bang my head on the wall n jz bleed to death..-.-
geez... n i told him lar, bt v cant b in btw things forever, it has to be yes or no, or wan or dont, u noe dat too..
bt den, me byk lembut lembut..
after dat hav to txt sorry baby, don stress over it, take ur time..
i reali feel like commiting suicide for dat..
bt i guess..=/ dis is it lar..
seriously.. im still wating for his text..
n i reali truly hates this..

dam long lar... wee xian, pls don cry when u c dis freakin long post.. haha

=(

Im searching for a song that fits my head
I couldnt find one, there's always that song I was too familiar with,
but not that one anymore, its too clear,
im living in mud, dat song is way way way too clear..
I love it though,
Yes, Im crapping again...
I have no idea wad Im typing.. Just randomly clicking away..
The body is here, but the heart isnt..
its like so spread out, a messy watery red mess lying on the ground..
i feel miserable, maybe its jz cause im sick, or PMS coming..
bt nah, who m i kiddin, i fully noe wad the reason is, well, theres nt jz 1 reason lar...
sick also make 1 of the reasons..=/
i wish things were simpler...
like 1+1=2
factual, logic, and easy...
Its ....... i dunno how to say...
sigh...
i noe my emo-ness is affecting evryone...
its reali eazy to cure it, perfectly ezy..
theres so much things i don understand...
i should go to bed...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Can U see the pretty face on top?
yes, she is our leng lui B1..
ahaha, i very tired, 2mr oni edit ar...
happy birthday, cheryl darling XD

RAYA

The malay guy in my class dam HOT *smokes*
ahahahaha=p
v went to his hs for raya... XDXD
it was very fun, n his bro looks like Harry Potter...
my goodness....

Appreciate the love ur given

It all said in the title..=)
i noe ive posted twice today..
bt in conjuction to mooncake festival...well...
jz a lil reminder for myself=)

today i went to my granma's hs..
to celeb lar.. all through ntg much happen,
jz da usual, camwhore alil wif my cousins, play fire,
burn da place down, candles... hmm..
my grad-aunt was there too,
at the end of the day, she hugged me real tight, gave me a peck on the cheek,
and thrust me 50 bucks..
i insisted she keep the money,
bt she persisted in giving me the 50 bucks...
she was old, slightly limping and hunched back..
bt her eyes, it was sparkling and bright...

it reali reminds you of how much you are being loved..
she treasures the perhaps little amount of time she has with you,
and want to make the most of it for you and you only...

It left me thinking for a while on the journey way back,
of how real love can be so divine, even in jz a little gesture...
n how ppl would call attraction love.. *snorts*
lol, so, im lazy...
jjuzt appreciate wads given to you..=)
give love and appreciate given love...

A Nerd

Happy Mooncake Festival =)

Janice is being a complete nerd here,
judging by the amount of lame joke she's makin and amount of hwk she has, and da never finishing exams.. eesh...

and hell to guys who judge a girl by her appearance, yes, Im tlking bout U

I wan a DDR n Parapara machine...><